Tribute Flowers vs Charitable Donations

As an anthropologist, I've seen a cross-section of funerals around the globe. And I am keenly aware that not all cultures use flowers in the same way Americans have traditionally used them, in the expression of sympathy and support.
Nonetheless, those funerals were powerful experiences for all who attended. That almost goes without saying.

But the trend in this country, to provide charitable donations in lieu of flowers is truly disturbing - despite this recognition that a memorial or funeral can be emotive without them.

Donations, in my opinion, reflect the instant gratification that underlies so much within our society. You can write out a check, seal it in an envelope, and put it in the mailbox in a matter of minutes.

I can just hear the writer say, “Well, that’s done.” And they can go on about their day, without much afterthought about the deceased or the grieving family.
Knowing that check was written does very little, if anything, for that family who has suffered the loss of their loved one. It merely gives the check writer a brief sensation of self-satisfaction.

Contrast that with the thoughtful, mindful act of selecting a floral arrangement in honor of the deceased. Perhaps you know they loved roses, or daisies; perhaps you realize that the wife, husband, mother or daughter of the deceased would lovingly tend a beautiful potted plant, given to them out of respect for their loved one.

Yes, it’s taken more time. But it’s time to reflect on the life and loves of the deceased - and that’s a true gift. It’s caused you to think about the quality of your own life in the process, and perhaps will motivate you to honor yourself more often with a weekly bouquet of fresh flowers.

The famous French dramatist Jean Giradoux wrote that a flower “is an example of the eternal seductiveness of life. “ Offering floral gifts as tribute reminds those who attend the funeral or memorial service that life is truly magnificent, and worthy of acknowledgement.

I've discovered a wonderfully informative site, InLieuofFlowers.info which exists to support people in their funeral and memorial activities. Here are some of the resources you'll find there:

» History of Sympathy Flowers
» Tribute Preferences by State
» Bereavement Poems
» Sympathy Card Messages
» Religious Funeral Ceremonies
» Sympathy Etiquette
» Funeral Hymns
» Verses for Sympathy
» Tribute Guide by Relationship
» Understanding Sympathy Terminology
» Sympathy Quotes
» Sympathy Frequently Asked Questions

Take the time to visit the site - and recommend it to those you know who may need the wisdom found there. It's inlieuofflowers.info.

And, why not take a few more minutes to share your opinions on this issue?
By the way, for those of you in the U.S., Happy Thanksgiving!

How Have You Memorialized Your Loved Ones?

In this time of overcrowding, cemetery regulation, and environmental legislation, it’s often difficult to find a personally meaningful way to memorialize your loved ones. I see now where you can get a plaque on a park bench, donate a book to the local library system in their name, or make a monetary donation to a local charity; but none of these things resonate with everyone.

Long gone are the days when you can erect a memorial in your local cemetery – the common regulations for urban cemeteries forbid much more than a plaque flush to the ground over the burial spot. The niche in the mausoleum where the ashes of your loved one are stored is lost to view in the visual “sea” of similar niches.

So, what have you done to preserve the memory of the life lived, and lost?

This is the question of the day. I look forward to hearing of your loving creativity.