Writing an obituary is an important part of funeral planning!

It's a rather simple process, especially if you're comfortable with the written word. If not, it can be rather challenging - and there are newspaper staff writers who can help you with writing an obituary or death notice if you're just not interested in doing it. Funeral home staff should also adept at creating simple death notices.

If you choose to be a part of the process, originality and creativity are options...if you're so inclined. It's becoming quite popular to make obituaries into creative pieces of public memorial.

What's the difference between a 'death notice' and an 'obituary'?

Now that newspapers often charge by the word for publication, many people are compromised into publishing only a death notice, a shortened version of a full-length 'obit'. Such a notice would include the important information: date of death, age, family members (both living and deceased), as well as the arrangements made for services: the where and when. In other words, everything a person would need to know to attend the memorial or funeral.

An obituary is a more complete life story - with at least those details you'd want published in a newspaper! Creative obituaries are often written in the form of verse, or attempt to create a story. They can include a variety of details that describe the personality of the deceased, and can also express the impact that person had on those around them.


Writing an Obituary Prior to Death

An obituary can be taken care of in advance, especially if someone is terminally ill. Many people like to have a say in their own obituary or may want to write their own as a way of working through their own funeral planning. Having an obituary written before the time of the funeral can remove some of the stress associated with the passing of a loved one.

When writing an obituary, it's a good idea to think of it as a writing process. Come up with a theme or a basic idea, write a first draft, take time to reflect on it and then go back and make revisions.

Writing a good obituary can even be a therapeutic part of grieving, allowing you time to express the feelings about the deceased that you really feel others should be aware of. You'll experience an assortment of emotions throughout the process, and ideally they should be reflected in the final product.

As an aside, I recently enjoyed time with one of my hospice clients, writing down her life stories for her. Granted, we only had time to develop four experiences into short stories - and that's not the point. The time we spent in her reflection on the joys, struggle, and losses sprinkled through her long (93 years!) life gave her a series of "touchstones", honoring her experience and accrued wisdom.

The stories we wrote gave her family material to write her lengthy obituary after her passing. So, I feel my work was fruitful - and keenly know that I took part in a wonderful end-of-life experience.

What to Include in Your Obituary or Death Notice

You'll want to include at least the following important elements:

An announcement: the name of the deceased, the date and location of death and (if appropriate) the cause of death (i.e. ‘suddenly' may be a euphemism for a traumatic death).

Biographical information: about the person's life, the things they accomplished, their education, and interests. What would the deceased most want to be remembered for in his or her life?

Survivors: a family tree lists the spouse, children, grandchildren, in-laws and any other close relatives or friends.

Schedule of Ceremonies: List the time and location of viewings (wakes) and all services.

Memorials: Instructions on how to honor the deceased, from contributions to flowers.

Arrangements: This might list the funeral provider, and may have a phone number to which people can direct questions. The names of those involved in funeral planning may also be included.

Many newspapers will publish a picture of the deceased as well. It's interesting to see how many obituaries for the elderly have photographs of them when they were much younger; at the height of their well-being.

I'm not sure how I feel about that - it feels unauthentic and dishonest. This person lived a good, long life - shouldn't we honor the natural process of aging and acquiring wisdom and life experience?

I'd love feedback on that issue, if you have some time.